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Things You Need In a New House - Scott Adams' Blog

Things You Need In a New House

I’m in the process of trying to build a house. And by “build a house” I mean I am paying other people to do it. My contribution was in the planning stage. I tried to think of everything I might reasonably want in a house, so the design would be complete. Now that the plans are finalized, I keep hearing ideas I wish I had included. This happened again when I read about the legal problems of Broadcom co-founder and billionaire Henry T. Nicholas. This guy had an underground party room in his mansion that his wife didn’t know about. How cool is that?


http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/06/05/broadcom.indictment.ap/index.html

I am totally slapping myself in the head now because I never once thought about including a secret underground party lair in the plans. Now it’s too late. And I suspect Shelly will be closely watching the construction phase, asking a lot of questions such as “Is that the pantry or the entrance to a secret underground party lair?”

To make things worse, I am exactly the sort of person who would build a house with a secret underground lair. But I probably wouldn’t use it for parties because I’m selfish. I would just say I was on a business trip and go hide in there. All I’d need is a TV, refrigerator, and a toilet. It could all be in one room. I wouldn’t even need overhead lights as long as the TV was always on. And obviously a chair would be redundant if you have a toilet. Easy peezy is the way I like it.

I’d use my secret lair to watch all the TV shows I can’t watch with my family, such as Battlestar Galactica, and Southpark. The only risk is that it might sound a bit pathetic when the authorities raid my house for Garfield copyright infringement and discover that I have an underground television lair. There is no type of beard I can grow that would make that situation seem cool.