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Dog Food - Scott Adams' Blog

Dog Food

Comic strips are supposed to be an exaggerated world, but lately it has been hard to concoct ideas for Dilbert that are more absurd than reality. For example, when Dilbert’s company develops a new product, I want it to be worse than any product you have ever seen in real life. I thought I was ahead of the curve until I saw my dog’s reaction to her dog food. Let’s start by saying she doesn’t care for it.

Now you might think this is not the least bit unusual. Pets have preferences just like people, so it should be no surprise that she wouldn’t like a particular brand of dog food. At least that’s how I saw it until I reflected on the things she DOES like to eat, including every other type of food, the cat’s food, mud, twigs, bugs, cat vomit, and her own turds.

If you ask me, the bar has been set low. How bad does your company’s product have to be before your target market prefers eating its own poop? If I wrote a comic along those lines it would be too absurd to work even as comedy.

Our type of dog, a toy Australian Shepherd, is notorious for chewing up everything it can get its teeth into. As I write this she is sniffing around the office looking for something to beaver into splinters. It’s a big problem. So we bought some sort of spray from the pet store that is intended to keep her away from prized objects. Apparently there is some subtle dog-only scent in this spray that she will find unpleasant. As you might have guessed already, the dog that sniffs asses and eats snails off the sidewalk was unfazed by this so-called unpleasant odor.

Dog training didn’t work either. This breed learns quickly, and the first thing it learned is that we wouldn’t punish it for chewing the bejeezus out of things. She knows she has a free pass. Her worst case scenario is some stern sounding baby talk, and she likes the attention.

But I think I have a solution. Tomorrow I’m going to rub her dog food on anything we don’t want her to gnaw on. That should work. The only downside is that the entire house and all of our clothing will smell like something that would make a dog say, “No thank you. I prefer feces.”