I assume that most of you have heard about the so-called Ass Bomber. He was a terrorist who tried to kill a Saudi Deputy Interior Minister by putting a bomb up his ass and detonating it when they met. Unfortunately for the terrorist, the bomb was only big enough to kill the Ass Bomber himself.
This raises many interesting questions. At the top of my list: Why did the Ass Bomber think that killing the Deputy Interior Minister was worth shoving a bomb up his own ass? Sure, I could see if it was the Interior Minister himself, but the deputy?
I think Saudi Arabia played this wrong. Instead of telling the state controlled media that the ASSassination attempt failed, they should have reported that the Deputy Interior Minister was dead, and so was everyone else in the building. And they should have said there was no way to stop this sort of brilliant attack. Within weeks, every member of Al Qaeada would have shoved a too-small bomb up his ass and detonated it in a market or mosque. The innocent bystanders would be startled and perhaps a little bit slimed, but otherwise unhurt. Terrorism would have a quick and amusing conclusion.
The other thing I wonder is whether the original Ass Bomber was the victim of a practical joke. I can imagine that conversation:
Ass Bomber: I wish I had an evil scheme to kill someone who is marginally important.
Joker: Maybe you could shove a bomb up your ass and surrender to the authorities.
Ass Bomber: Would that work?
Joker: Absolutely. It’s the best idea ever.
Ass Bomber: How would I get a bomb up there? It’s a little tight.
Joker: I know a guy they call Large Bruce. I think he can help you out. It might take a few weeks of continuous practice.
Ass Bomber: I don’t now if I could do that.
Joker: Because you hate Allah or what?