Ten Minutes Ago…

November 7, 2014

I’m in my home office, working, a few minutes ago.

Caller ID says the incoming call is probably a telemarketer.

Yeah, I’m in the mood for this.

I answer and put it on speaker, knowing there is usually a wait before a human appears. I wait a full half-minute.

Operator comes on and says hello.

I say nothing. She calls out again. I say nothing. This cycle repeats about seven times.

Then I yell, “HOW’S IT FEEL TO BE KEPT WAITING ON THE PHONE FOR NOTHING?!!! DO YOU LIKE IT??? HOW’S IT FEEL?!!”

Telemarketer: Um, hello…

Me: (Shouting like a maniac) TAKE ME OFF YOUR FUCKING LIST! STOP CALLING MY HOUSE! NOW! DO IT NOW! …and so on, for about a minute.

Telemarketer: I… will … take you off the list now…

Line goes quiet for about a minute. I wait patiently while drawing my morning comic.

Supervisor dude comes on the line. Evidently the first caller turned me over to someone more experienced at handling the criminally insane.

Supervisor: “How can I help you?”

Me: “YOU called MEEEEE!!!!! HOW ABOUT TAKING ME OFF YOUR LIST AND NEVER CALLING AGAIN? HOW ABOUT THAT FOR A FUCKING START?”

I won’t bore you with the rest of the conversation. It sort of went downhill after that.