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Ten Minutes Ago…

Ten Minutes Ago…

      I’m in my home office, working, a few minutes ago.

      Caller ID says the incoming call is probably a telemarketer.

      Yeah, I’m in the mood for this.

      I answer and put it on speaker, knowing there is usually a wait before a human appears. I wait a full half-minute.

      Operator comes on and says hello.

      I say nothing. She calls out again. I say nothing. This cycle repeats about seven times.

      Then I yell, “HOW’S IT FEEL TO BE KEPT WAITING ON THE PHONE FOR NOTHING?!!! DO YOU LIKE IT??? HOW’S IT FEEL?!!”

      Telemarketer: Um, hello…

      Me: (Shouting like a maniac) TAKE ME OFF YOUR FUCKING LIST! STOP CALLING MY HOUSE! NOW! DO IT NOW! …and so on, for about a minute.

      Telemarketer: I… will … take you off the list now…

      Line goes quiet for about a minute. I wait patiently while drawing my morning comic.

      Supervisor dude comes on the line. Evidently the first caller turned me over to someone more experienced at handling the criminally insane.

      Supervisor: “How can I help you?”

      Me: “YOU called MEEEEE!!!!! HOW ABOUT TAKING ME OFF YOUR LIST AND NEVER CALLING AGAIN? HOW ABOUT THAT FOR A FUCKING START?”

      I won’t bore you with the rest of the conversation. It sort of went downhill after that.

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